28 Comments

Oh Alice. What a powerful, honest, forgiving reflection. Your questions (and answers) about mother-daughter relationships, parental choices, and discomfort (even revulsion) with our parents' aging bodies (not to mention our own!) totally resonate.

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It feels like a kind of freedom when we get to the age of understanding the imperfectly perfect women who raised us. Love to Ad.

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Beautiful.

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My mom & I had a complicated relationship but I always admired her strength. I had the privilege to witness her at her most vulnerable when it was her time to go to assisted living. I showered her the night before which was strange & we were both embarrassed. The next morning on our drive there, she confessed she was so nervous she was afraid she'd have a BM. I told her no big deal & drove her back to her familiar bathroom. She was so grateful & afraid I was going to get angry. That never even crossed my mind! She passed away in her 90's & enjoyed her time in assisted living. I am so grateful I was able to spend those precious moments with her.

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During my mother's long decine, I helped my sister bathe her, which involved holding her in the shower, while my sister lathered her and rinsed her. It felt strange to hold her up, have her lean back into me.

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Oh Alice. I loved this so much.

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Breathtaking. 🙏🏻❤️

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Thank you so much. Coming from you...

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You are a diamond sword. Caring for my mother-beloved, less complicated-- closed whatever confusing emotional doors I used to have open about her. A lovely read.

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Thanks Susan.

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Dear Alice,

I have only recently joined your Substack after reading Fellowship Point which immediately became one of my favorite books of all time. I am so envious of your students, especially after the post previous to this one where you describe working so intimately and productively on the Neapolitan novels. And now, here, your candid portrayal of your relationship with your mother has given me so much to think about. I lost my own mother when I was 23, an event that completely altered the arc of my life. Thank you for your frankness and generosity and I wish you a very happy Mother’s Day.

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Thanks Erica for your kind words about FP, and for making it over here. I'm so sorry you lost your mother so young.

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This is just lovely. Thanks. And I couldn't be more at peace with Beverly resting likewise.

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So many things can be true at once.

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Beautiful. Thank you. I will try to extend this Grace to my own, 93 year old mother today. JB

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Thanks so much.

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What a beautiful brutal loving portrait. Also, that photograph! I love how your words paint a picture and then the picture comes along with something of its own to say. Happy Mother's Day!

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Thanks Nance.

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Wonderfully true writing. Thank you Alice!

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xoxo

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Oh my goodness, where to start? The backgammon, the Jergens, “I was the new girl on the block,” your emotional clarity and honesty....🙌🙌🙌

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I know, Jergen's! I still use it.

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Al, I loved reading and experiencing so much of it with you. Most of all, I am so glad you have come full circle.❤️

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You did experience so much of it, old pal.

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Alice, this is a balm to all of us with challenging relationships with our mothers (or children). Happy Mother’s Day!

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Thanks, Ruth.

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