It’s not going to be quick here, either. I have all the same impulses as do you and several of the others who have commented. And we’ve lived in this house since the seventies! I’m finding the execution overwhelming. The closets are crammed. I mean, do I really need the outfit I helped my mother pick out on a happy shopping trip? She’s been dead since ‘03. And my Dad’s favorite sport coat? (‘10). How about Mom’s shoes that don’t fit me? Some letters in her handwriting? And then it gets down to the stuff that’s not silly: how about our son’s college diploma? He died 3 years ago. His daughter doesn’t want it, and she has all the pictures of him she wants. I made sure of that. It was a lot. What about all his baby pictures? Save a few? For? What about my baby pictures? Offer some to my daughter along with all of hers? It gets so complicated, each decision fraught with tangled implications of history and the unresolved, even sometimes the well-resolved.
Like Jody who commented, I am now trying the one or two things at a time technique. Also, “when in doubt, throw it out,” although that’s much more difficult. Cleaning out a closet is much easier, I find, if I’m really pissed off at someone, something, anything. I can be much more ruthless. Sometimes I resolve, “okay, one drawer or closet or shelf a week.” Unfortunately, I fall off the wagon too often.
Your essay is beautiful and evocative. Obviously, I empathize. Thank you!
Lynne, It made me ache to read this. It is hard, especially with items that involve those who are dead and what's left is all that's left. I'm sorry about your son. But save a few for what? is the question I keep coming back to, too. I remember having an idea when I was in my twenties that one day I'd sit in a rocking chair on my porch by the sea and read through all my old letters. Well, I don't have a porch by the sea, and I find a glance at the handwriting is enough. My grandmother's handwriting. Even then, though...do I take a picture of it or keep one example? I feel very weighed down by all this stuff at this point, but am stabbed with guilt when I toss things. Let me know how it goes for you.
I too have accumulated boxes and bags of memories, all thought to be invaluable at the time I made the decision to toss or keep. We've lived (quite contently) in our house for 38 years, and have recently become aware of the burden we would leave our daughter's if I didn't purge while I can. For the first time, I've gotten rid of books that I thought I would keep forever, tossed old, once precious letters, and gave away inherited dishes that I've never used so why would I now? The thing is, that once gone, I've barely looked back. It's an arduous process, but more back-aching than heart-aching. I'm motivated by thinking clearing out is a gift to my girls.
All this to say that you're (we're) doing well and keep on keeping on!
How very interesting and thought provoking. I am well aware of our neighborhood changing and my husband and I becoming the nice gray and white haired couple who remember when. I am also well aware of my own compelling desire to purge my office, my closet, my garage, my cupboards.....and on. Thank you for writing this. And, just a note to say Fellowship Point and In The Gloaming have both had a profound impact on me albeit during different stages of my life. Thank you.
Dear Alice,
It’s not going to be quick here, either. I have all the same impulses as do you and several of the others who have commented. And we’ve lived in this house since the seventies! I’m finding the execution overwhelming. The closets are crammed. I mean, do I really need the outfit I helped my mother pick out on a happy shopping trip? She’s been dead since ‘03. And my Dad’s favorite sport coat? (‘10). How about Mom’s shoes that don’t fit me? Some letters in her handwriting? And then it gets down to the stuff that’s not silly: how about our son’s college diploma? He died 3 years ago. His daughter doesn’t want it, and she has all the pictures of him she wants. I made sure of that. It was a lot. What about all his baby pictures? Save a few? For? What about my baby pictures? Offer some to my daughter along with all of hers? It gets so complicated, each decision fraught with tangled implications of history and the unresolved, even sometimes the well-resolved.
Like Jody who commented, I am now trying the one or two things at a time technique. Also, “when in doubt, throw it out,” although that’s much more difficult. Cleaning out a closet is much easier, I find, if I’m really pissed off at someone, something, anything. I can be much more ruthless. Sometimes I resolve, “okay, one drawer or closet or shelf a week.” Unfortunately, I fall off the wagon too often.
Your essay is beautiful and evocative. Obviously, I empathize. Thank you!
Lynne, It made me ache to read this. It is hard, especially with items that involve those who are dead and what's left is all that's left. I'm sorry about your son. But save a few for what? is the question I keep coming back to, too. I remember having an idea when I was in my twenties that one day I'd sit in a rocking chair on my porch by the sea and read through all my old letters. Well, I don't have a porch by the sea, and I find a glance at the handwriting is enough. My grandmother's handwriting. Even then, though...do I take a picture of it or keep one example? I feel very weighed down by all this stuff at this point, but am stabbed with guilt when I toss things. Let me know how it goes for you.
Exactly. What you just said. Exactly.
Thank you so much for sharing.
Another great read!
one (or two) things at a time! good luck!!
Dear Alice -
I too have accumulated boxes and bags of memories, all thought to be invaluable at the time I made the decision to toss or keep. We've lived (quite contently) in our house for 38 years, and have recently become aware of the burden we would leave our daughter's if I didn't purge while I can. For the first time, I've gotten rid of books that I thought I would keep forever, tossed old, once precious letters, and gave away inherited dishes that I've never used so why would I now? The thing is, that once gone, I've barely looked back. It's an arduous process, but more back-aching than heart-aching. I'm motivated by thinking clearing out is a gift to my girls.
All this to say that you're (we're) doing well and keep on keeping on!
All best wishes,
Jody (Forrester)
Thank you Jody. It's not going to be quick! But it's time.
How very interesting and thought provoking. I am well aware of our neighborhood changing and my husband and I becoming the nice gray and white haired couple who remember when. I am also well aware of my own compelling desire to purge my office, my closet, my garage, my cupboards.....and on. Thank you for writing this. And, just a note to say Fellowship Point and In The Gloaming have both had a profound impact on me albeit during different stages of my life. Thank you.
Marge in Cherry Hill NJ
Thanks for kind words, Marge.