I must have been older than seven, because it happened after we’d moved to my grandparents’ house. Probably eight. The girls at school told me that if Santa Claus sees you, you won’t get any presents, not from him in any case. His whole M.O. was to zip around the world sight unseen, and he hated it if his plans were foiled. They also told me the legend of naughty versus nice. Both of those wrinkles to the story hadn’t been imparted to me at home, and I was interested. I felt in the clear on the naughty and nice score, as I was ardently religious and intensely concerned with kindness and turning the other cheek, but I was terrified about seeing Santa. I wished I’d never heard about it. On Christmas Eve, I had a nervous stomach all day. The king swinging the frankincense censor at the childrens’ 4 o’ clock service always made me dizzy, but this time I thought I’d faint. I couldn’t enjoy supper or my siblings’ excitement. It was traditional in our house on Christmas Eve that someone have an accident that necessitated trip to the emergency room or a retrimming of the tree after cats pulled it down, so that probably happened, but those events blur together. I do remember finally being in bed in my grandmother’s room. She had two very old twin beds with pineapple finials.
I read this twice, I loved it so much. My Christmas memories so align with yours - it always snowed, didn't it? And because of the pageant at the Redeemer, the scent of the King's incense will always be the smell of Christmas. (I so wanted to be one of the angels in that pageant until I realized it would be hard to hold up my arms for such a long time). I had not heard about the penalty for glimpsing Santa! I wonder which girl terrified you with that one. But, you conveyed so poignantly the rift in your Christmases caused by your parents' divorce - not being in your real house, a fear about Santa instead of joy and wonder, the lack of your father's presence. As sanother reader mentioned, I love your portrayal of the star as intuition. I hope THIS Christmas brought you and your family joy. XO
I never really realized that following the star is a metaphor for following my intuition – perhaps because I was raised not to follow my intuition! The details here were wonderful, especially the poisonous tinsel and the cunning glass ornaments.
Okay, you made me cry. (thank you). And it's so beautifully told, it's like we're right there with you (so you are not alone). Wishing you a most Merry Christmas (with no one peeking in the window)!
I read this twice, I loved it so much. My Christmas memories so align with yours - it always snowed, didn't it? And because of the pageant at the Redeemer, the scent of the King's incense will always be the smell of Christmas. (I so wanted to be one of the angels in that pageant until I realized it would be hard to hold up my arms for such a long time). I had not heard about the penalty for glimpsing Santa! I wonder which girl terrified you with that one. But, you conveyed so poignantly the rift in your Christmases caused by your parents' divorce - not being in your real house, a fear about Santa instead of joy and wonder, the lack of your father's presence. As sanother reader mentioned, I love your portrayal of the star as intuition. I hope THIS Christmas brought you and your family joy. XO
Al, that was beautiful, and I remember it all. It’s just so poignant how you put it in words.
🥰🥰🥰
I never really realized that following the star is a metaphor for following my intuition – perhaps because I was raised not to follow my intuition! The details here were wonderful, especially the poisonous tinsel and the cunning glass ornaments.
I adore this, Al. Maybe you saw Santa so you could capture for us that feeling in childhood of believing and not believing, of fear and wonder.
Okay, you made me cry. (thank you). And it's so beautifully told, it's like we're right there with you (so you are not alone). Wishing you a most Merry Christmas (with no one peeking in the window)!
I’m back at 488 getting ready for the children’s service at Redeemer too now. It was beautiful. I was just talking with my cousin Joe Sands about it.
And I can picture both of the houses. A swim party at Rose lane. Dropping you at your grandparents house. Thank you Alice for taking me there.
Just lovely. Merry Christmas
Beautiful--Merry Christmas to you and yours ❤️